Many of you do...and some of you don't know the craziness we have been experiencing the last two weeks. I've felt bad when some have called to ask because they have heard...so I just thought I would share. I used to be pregnant 2 weeks ago, and as of last Thursday I'm not anymore. The craziest part is that I was pregnant with 2...again. It was a huge emotional roller coaster with way too much drama in the short 7-8 week pregnancy that it was. I don't really feel the need share the details of the whole event as much as a couple of things I have learned or how I have felt, and I hope that's okay! I never really imagined that I would go through something like this. I guess no one does, but really I was shocked. In fact when it first began Ryan was in Brigham with the girls and I was at Laci's. I really panicked and my heart started beating a trillion times an hour! I got brave and asked Nate (Laci's husband) for a blessing. I will never be able to explain to anyone what a simple priesthood blessing can do for a person, and especially for me at that time.
That is my first thing I learned- The priesthood is real. It can give us peace, help us know what to do, and lets us feel our Saviors love. All of the things I needed just at that time.
In the next couple of days after I remembered reading a post from a girl named Shelby. She just went through Cancer, and is now in remission.. She is actually Katie Price's sister in law, and I randomly fell in love with her blog. Now I know why... she taught me lesson #2. I hope this is okay but I just went to the post...copied and pasted, and want to share it with anyone who wants (or has 5 hours to read this post)
POST FROM SHELBY'S BLOG (my lesson #2)
"Our 18-year-old friend Alex has a brain tumor and is at the end of his six-year struggle now and our ward united to fast for him to be able to go peacefully. As you can imagine, I struggle to see him go. Why do I get to live and he doesn't? Luckily, being around him and speaking with his mom brings so much comfort. He is at peace with it and so we can't not be. He has his "peace blanket" that I mentioned in the beginning of my struggle and I can sit outside of it and wonder why and cry or I can grab an edge and climb under it and feel the warmth that comes from knowing Heavenly Father loves each of us so much and will find a way to make us so much happier than we can ever make ourselves if we let Him.
When my dad died almost 13 years ago, my family snuggled under the peace blanket for a long time. I was happy and the testimony that families are forever was handed to me to help me get through it. Sooner or later, however, I climbed out from under the blanket and began to feel ripped-off. It was a choice I made to leave that peace behind and feel sorry for myself, for my mom, for my younger brothers and sister who didn't get to know him as well as I did. For how much of him I never got to know. I got mad that he wouldn't meet my husband or play on the floor with my kids. Now, having just been through something that really was in the Lord's hands as to which way it would go - I understand better His love for me - for each of us. I know that when "bad" things happen, it's usually to bring about something even better. Every member of my family has been through the temple. All of my brothers have served missions. We are married with great kids. We love each other so much. My mom has shown her strength and proven herself and her capacity to endure. Maybe those things would have happened otherwise, who knows? What I do know is that the path the Lord put us on by taking my father when we were as young as we were has strengthened all of us and we are all very happy. We have sad times for sure, but I think we'll be surprised to know how much my dad has remained a part of our lives all along. Our blanket is always there for us to use if we want to feel that.
It's part of me now. I take it wherever I go. If you ever feel sad, come cuddle with me.
I'm so sorry for the pain that Alex and his family must still endure. My very favorite story of Christ is when He wept when Lazarus had died. He understood the plan better than anyone ever could and He still felt pain and sadness at that time. His compassion is overwhelming. He will cry with you, too. And so will I."
It made me so happy to remember about the comfort blanket that I had available to me...and believe me...I think I'll keep it with me forever.
Obviously there are many other things I have learned, but those two stand out the most. I am still trying to make sure I learn all the lessons necessary so I don't have to experience this again, but I want you to know I am okay! I truthfully am. I have my husband, Lauren, & Hallie! They are just what I need. I also have many of you...who I love, and have been SO kind to me:) I think I really know what life is all about, and I'm so glad! XOXO
That is my first thing I learned- The priesthood is real. It can give us peace, help us know what to do, and lets us feel our Saviors love. All of the things I needed just at that time.
In the next couple of days after I remembered reading a post from a girl named Shelby. She just went through Cancer, and is now in remission.. She is actually Katie Price's sister in law, and I randomly fell in love with her blog. Now I know why... she taught me lesson #2. I hope this is okay but I just went to the post...copied and pasted, and want to share it with anyone who wants (or has 5 hours to read this post)
POST FROM SHELBY'S BLOG (my lesson #2)
"Our 18-year-old friend Alex has a brain tumor and is at the end of his six-year struggle now and our ward united to fast for him to be able to go peacefully. As you can imagine, I struggle to see him go. Why do I get to live and he doesn't? Luckily, being around him and speaking with his mom brings so much comfort. He is at peace with it and so we can't not be. He has his "peace blanket" that I mentioned in the beginning of my struggle and I can sit outside of it and wonder why and cry or I can grab an edge and climb under it and feel the warmth that comes from knowing Heavenly Father loves each of us so much and will find a way to make us so much happier than we can ever make ourselves if we let Him.
When my dad died almost 13 years ago, my family snuggled under the peace blanket for a long time. I was happy and the testimony that families are forever was handed to me to help me get through it. Sooner or later, however, I climbed out from under the blanket and began to feel ripped-off. It was a choice I made to leave that peace behind and feel sorry for myself, for my mom, for my younger brothers and sister who didn't get to know him as well as I did. For how much of him I never got to know. I got mad that he wouldn't meet my husband or play on the floor with my kids. Now, having just been through something that really was in the Lord's hands as to which way it would go - I understand better His love for me - for each of us. I know that when "bad" things happen, it's usually to bring about something even better. Every member of my family has been through the temple. All of my brothers have served missions. We are married with great kids. We love each other so much. My mom has shown her strength and proven herself and her capacity to endure. Maybe those things would have happened otherwise, who knows? What I do know is that the path the Lord put us on by taking my father when we were as young as we were has strengthened all of us and we are all very happy. We have sad times for sure, but I think we'll be surprised to know how much my dad has remained a part of our lives all along. Our blanket is always there for us to use if we want to feel that.
It's part of me now. I take it wherever I go. If you ever feel sad, come cuddle with me.
I'm so sorry for the pain that Alex and his family must still endure. My very favorite story of Christ is when He wept when Lazarus had died. He understood the plan better than anyone ever could and He still felt pain and sadness at that time. His compassion is overwhelming. He will cry with you, too. And so will I."
It made me so happy to remember about the comfort blanket that I had available to me...and believe me...I think I'll keep it with me forever.
Obviously there are many other things I have learned, but those two stand out the most. I am still trying to make sure I learn all the lessons necessary so I don't have to experience this again, but I want you to know I am okay! I truthfully am. I have my husband, Lauren, & Hallie! They are just what I need. I also have many of you...who I love, and have been SO kind to me:) I think I really know what life is all about, and I'm so glad! XOXO
49 comments:
Chels, you are a rock. I am so greatful that you shared your story, it touched me very much. I hope to gain the same strength, and lessons out of my struggles as you have. Thank goodness for the blessings of our faith, it brings so much comfort. My prayers are with you, and your family. We love you!
Hey Chels-I can't say I know what you're going through because I don't. But I have had sisters who have had similar situations and I know how hard it can be. I'm so proud of you for facing it the way you have been and making it a testimony builder. You are such an example to me and I appreciated you sharing what you've learned! I really do love you! You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Chelsea - I was blog hopping today and ran across your blog and read your story... I hope you don't mind. I really appreciate your story and the "comfort blanket" story. I had the same thing happen to me a month ago and I felt the same way you do. I feel SO lucky to just have my husband and little boy! It always helps knowing you aren't the only person that this kind of thing happens to. A friend gave me a great LDS book called "Gone Too Soon" by Sherri Wittwer. It's a good book just to read. It helps to understand things a little better. Anyhow, You are such a good person. Thanks for sharing. :)
You are one of the strongest women I know and I'm pround you are my friend! I love you and I know that this post will help someone else who may be going through this! Thank you for adding something meaningful to my day.
I have been thinking of you I am glad to hear you are doing ok through this tough time. The story you shared is amazing and really made me stop and think, I am glad you shared! You are such a strong person, we love you :)
chelsea, I am not sure if you remember me, but we went to high school together (Teresa Hamilton now Hammond) anyway I have seen your blog a few times and just wanted to say first how cute it is and the couple of times I have seen it I always thought that you are such an amazing mother and person! I also wanted to say I had a miscarriage two years ago I was quite far along and I had to go through labor, now my little Jacob is in the Brigham Cemetary, I just want to let you know that this sounds silly but what I learned is there is a little miracle that happens when tragedy hits. We don't know why things happen but all the sudden it brings us back to reality and helps us realize that all of us are brothers and sisters and we can relate, and help each other out so we don't feel alone, sometimes in the darkest times we feel alone but it always helped me to remember that. I am sure you are doing fine you are such a strong person, and things like this only make us stronger. I also recommend the book called gone to soon, it answers a lot of questions.
Chelsea, I am so sorry! That is aweful. I'm glad you are feeling okay and thank you for your words, it was so nice to read!
Hey Chels, I was just looking on your blog to find your website to buy some shoes for Rani. I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage before Rani and it was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through, but also one of the best learning expiriences as well. You definately learn what you're made of and how to rely on the gospel. You're such a strong person for finding the good in it, sometimes that's all we can do. You're in my prayers.
Chels, I am sorry! I want you to know that I am thinking about you and praying for you even though we haven't seen each other in years. You are so strong. It is amazing what those preisthood blessings can do isn't it? Also, thank you for sharing Shelby's post. I have followed her blog also. You are both an inspiration. Love you
chels, i'm so sorry! you are a beautiful and amazing girl (woman =)) one of my favorite scriptures is found in Doctrine and Covenants section 122 verse 7 i won't quote the whole thing but the last says "all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good." it just helps me keep life in perspective and remember that even blessings come from trials. love you!!
Chels-
I'm so sorry for what you've had to go through. You are so positive, and have such a strong spirit! I also wanted to thank you for sharing- you have given me a spiritual moment today, and I'm very thankful for that. You are an amazing person!
Oh Chelsea I am so sorry. I wish I would have been able to talk to you at the invitational last night. I am sorry that you are going through this. I am glad you have a good husband and two beautiful girls to help you through this tough time. The priesthood helped me get through mine also. I had to learn to put my faith in Heavenly father I recieved a blessing before we started trying again and it said that I would have a baby. I questioned it and kept saying what if I can't have kids. My mom kept remimding me that I needed to have faith in my blessing. So I had another miscarriage and I asked Jer for another blessing and that time it was clear that I was gonna have a baby. I put all my faith in that blessing and 9 months later we had Halley. I had to learn my lesson with Brinley all over again. Anyways it makes the little precious ones you already have even more precious and when you do have another baby you will appreciate what a miracle it is even more. I really am sorry. You will be in my prayers. Let me know if you need anything or have any questions (there is an article on LDS.org that I found comforting it is really old but it helped me it is called "Coping with the Heartache of Miscarriage")
Sorry this is so long!
Chels,
I just love you so much. I am so sad for what you have had to go through. You are one of the most amazing people I know. You are so strong and such a great example. Nobody should have to go through such heartbreaking trials, but I guess we can't grow unless we do? I love you, you are in my thoughts and prayers:) *HUGS*
Chelsea, I am so sorry! I love you and I will keep you and Ryan in my prayers. We went to a funeral for a baby (Chris' cousin) that had passed away the day he was born. I thought it was going to be the worst funeral I had ever been to, and we have been to a lot lately. But to my surprise it wasn't. I felt such peace while the family was giving the talks. Joseph Smith went through a lot with his children, two died at birth and another two died in infancy. I know the Lord told him that he will have the opportunity in the next life to raise those children. I love you Chelsea and if you need anything I am always here for you.
Chels, I wish i could say i totally understand how you feel but i dont! I have had 3 miscarriages and totally understand some of the feeling you could be having! I am so sorry but we all know we arent given any trials we cant get through. Thank you so much for this post and letting me grow from your testimony! You are such an amazing girl!
Wow girl, you are really amazing! I'm so sorry!!! I know that no words can really take your pain away, but please know that I care.
Chels, I love you. I'm sorry. I'll call you later.
Chelsea, I was so touched by your post. I am so sorry. Thanks for sharing your feelings. It's never easy to go through something like that. You are amazing and I wish I would have handled my loss a few years ago the way you have:) Love Pam
My chels...I love your guts.
Chelsea-
I don't know you, but we're blog friends now. Katie told me this was on here. I'm so sorry for your loss and touched that i was maybe able to help in a tiny tiny way. More good than bad has come from my trial and hope it will be the same for you.
Love from St Louis!
Shelby
Chelsea,
Thanks for such a great post! It was so good to talk to you the other day and so amazing to hear that someone just shared the exact same expirience!! We really need to get together soon and do someting! Talk to you soon!
Marci
chelsea,
oh gosh, i wrote a sentence, then deleted it.. then i wrote another one, and deleted it again because i can't seem to find the "right" words to say. i can say that your post brought tears to my eyes and i will pray for you everyday that you will be ok!! and you will be ok!! it sounds like you're gonna be fine and are doing better. i'm so sorry for what happened, but like everyone said it will only make you a better, stronger person! i too, have looked up to you and think you're a great mom to your little girls! thanks for being an inspiration.
much love
xoxoxo allegra
Chelsea,
I'm really happy that you shared this experience. I can TOTALLY tell, just from that post how strong your testimony is. Thats so great. Its weird how life deals us some random cards. I miscarried before I got my twins and I was heart broken. But I just knew (from my patriarchal blessing) that I would have beautiful children of my own one day... and now I have three! I know it's hard sometimes, but I just feel so lucky to be a mom of these sweet kids that are here on this earth. And I know that you are too. Ive never met your girls, but I can just TELL how happy and proud they make you. They are SUPER lucky to have YOU as their fun, adorable, talented mom. And when that next baby, or babies (lol) come, then him/her/or they, will be just as lucky! Your awesome. Thanks again for sharing.
Shelley Smith
My prayers are with you and Ryan. You know we love you!
First things first...wake up, read chels's blog, and cry:( I love you Chels. You help remind me of the important things in life. You are so strong and amazing. I love you.
me and eli love you chels. i'm sorry your going through a hard time. life is weird huh, thank goodness for the church and what we believe.. :)
all i can say is my prayers are with you sweetie!
29 Comments already? Girl, you are loved! I can't get over how beatiful I think you are inside and out. You are the most shining example of goodness to me. I admire you on so many levels and you know that my love for you transcends this life. I am sorry for what you had to got through, but feel so honored that you would call me and share it with me. I am always here for you girl! :)
Chels.. Your in all our Prayers! :)
Thanks for sharing. I'm so sorry for your loss. I am also so greatful for this wonderful church and the priesthood and the comfort that a testimony can bring at times like these. Praying for you!
It looks like you have an amazing support group! I'm sure it took a lot of courage to write down your feelings and share your thoughts but we will all be better people because of it. I bawled my eyes out reading about the comfort blanket and know someone who could use one of those really soon. What a wonderful idea and message.
Hang in there and know that lots of people (31 to be exact) love you and are praying for you! :)
Hey Chels, you are such a good example and very strong person. Thanks for sharing your experience and your testimony.
hey girl, you are quite the little woman. you are forging a spot in my heart and i hardly know you! good luck to you and your family...we're praying for you!
Chelsea,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I loved the story that you shared about the blanket. You seem like such a strong person. I love your blog and check it every now and again, I hope thats ok. I think your girls are adorable. It looks like you have a lot of people that really care.
It amazing how we can find comfort in others experience. Thank you for sharing yours :) I'll be thinking of you, it was good to meet you at Jess's a couple weeks ago!
I am so sorry. I can't imagine what your feeling. But I know it must be very hard. You have so much strength and I know your faith in our Heavenly Father will pull you through this difficult time. The story you shared was amazing, and I can understand how you found comfort in it. Love ya, Chels.
Hey Chels, I love you and I am sorry to hear about this. You're in my prayers. We're so lucky to have the gospel to comfort us through our hard times!! Just remember you are loved and you have alot of support!!
Chelsea, Its never good to go through something like that and Im deeply sorry for your family. I have another friend who just went through that and its hard... Just remember that you have two beautiful little girls! Congrats for them still, you can never hear enough of congrats on your little ones! Looks like you have alot of support. If we can help with anything let us know! M and J.
Hi Chels. I understand a little how you feel. I was pregnant for 15 weeks before finding out that my baby was gone, only to find out that if I tried to get pregnant again for 6 months, it could come back as cancer. It was hard for me not being able to get pregnant for 2 years. I had several times I was angry at God, but in the end finally came to peace with it, and was finally able to get pregnant. You won't believe how much more you appreciate and love that baby when you finally get it, or even your own children in your case. It just means so much more to you than you ever thought it would. When I read your blog, it made me sad because I know what you are going through, and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. It is a hard thing to go through. You are in my prayers, I think you are much stronger than I was. Hang in there.
Chelsea: Wow...that is a lot to be going through. Thank you so much for the post! You've really got a great perspective on the whole situation. I am so sorry for your loss though, I'm sure it's an emotional rollar coaster. Love you girl ~ Heather
wow- you have now lived one of my greatest fears twice- at the same time. you are amazing and so strong to deal with this so well. we wll keep yall in our prayers! good luck! i know we havent really been friends, but just the same- good luck and i want nothing but the best! :)
I look up to you so much Chelsea! You are such an amazing sweet and wonderful person. It is so amazing you can look at a hard situation and get something beautiful out of it.
Chelsea,
I heard from Stacee that you were going through some hard times. I am glad you are ok, and I am thinking of your. I hope to hear from you soon!
I am so sorry Chelsea. Our prayers are with you.
Chels, I am so sorry about your miscarriage, I cannot imagine how hard it was. I also can't believe there were two-that is amazing. I hope you are doing okay, let me know if I can do anything. Love ya tons, Julie
Chelsea, YOu don't know me, but I went to beauty school with Jamie Hirshi, But I've seen your blog you actually know someone I know. Paige Murray we're both from vernal. Anyways. I love your blog. I think your girls are cute and I wish I had money right now cause if I did, I'd buy alot of stuff. And trust me when I get money, I'll be buying lots!!! I wanted to share with you though a story. If you go to my blog
themcclellans2001.blogspot.com
and go to the carroll's she had a wonderful yet hard experience with her last pregnancy!!! Everything happens for a reason. I'm sure it must be so hard though. Good luck. And you are beautiful with 2 adorable little girls. I wish my girls would let me do their hair like yours and keep clothes on so they can look as cute as yours do to!! And I love their binkies!!! Good luck
Jocelyn Mcclellan
Wow, I think everyone did a good job summing up everything that I want to say to you except....I love you! This too shall pass...
Wow Chelsea.. Your little blog is just what I needed to read tonight.. Life is so beautiful and especially with our wonderful church.. I love you girl! You are one tough cookie :)
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